I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
