So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
