Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

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(253): View more from Washington

waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

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(802): View more from Vermont

Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.

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