i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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