naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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