I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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