Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
