did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize