He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
