You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize