this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
