Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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