Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
