Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
