She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
