morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
