Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
