when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
