I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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