Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
