just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
