just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
