What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
