I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
