I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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