My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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