is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
