he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
