Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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