her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize