I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
