I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
