I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
