I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
