All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
