what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
