Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
