if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
