Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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