Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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