when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
