Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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