ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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