I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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