he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my being single is dangerous.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
