Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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