Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
