There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
