I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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