i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
