bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
