shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
