somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
