Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
