i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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