so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
