Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
