I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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