come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
