Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
