Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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