Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
