I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
