I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
