I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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