: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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