Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
