ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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