Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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