thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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