Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
