I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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