Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
