Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
