dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize