How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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