he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize