Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
