Pants 0. Shit 1.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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