so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
