I wanna bring you to show and tell
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize