I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
