Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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