Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
