i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
