R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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