Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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