What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
