That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize