My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
