just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
